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Aleix's avatar

Just three days ago I went on a pilgrimage from my home, in Barcelona, to Montserrat, some 50 kilometres away. The reason was a vow I made last year to the Theotokos. I spent 12 hours straight walking. I'm a Roman Catholic but I have learned a whole lot from the Orthodox tradition, which I cherish very dearly. As you say, and as The Way of a Pilgrim also attests (I read it during Catholic Lent this year) walking has a type of universal truth that scorns mere logical propositions.

I had time to pray the Rosary, the full fifteen mysteries, to say the Jesus Prayer countless times, to reflect, to sing to myself and to enjoy silence. By the end of it I didn't feel any elation or catharsis, there was no sense of achievement.

Some time ago, I might have worried because I've been raised in a culture that puts a premium on emotions and things that 'feel good' but the Christian tradition, and the Orthodox are particularly emphatic on this, tells you not to give importance to such stuff. It tells you that love is most of all what you do, not what you feel. Praying is at the heart of that. Right next to it is walking, because that is the purest expression of the state of us in the world, which is exile. If The Way of a Pilgrim is about something, that's it. Wandering in exile. If modern editors don't like it, that's because they've learned to expect redemption in this world, a closed sense of structure that begins and ends here. This overpowering desire to square the circle is, I guess, what you so aptly described in your Machine series. The Machine will never understand the Pilgrim just as surely as Sauron never understood Frodo's quest. But then again, that's why it will ultimately fail.

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JaneH's avatar

Thank you, Paul.

I finished reading the book about three weeks ago and have been waiting for the day of your opening review to arrive. I, too, am on a journey to discover what my faith is and should be. And to work out whether I can actually justify calling myself a Christian. I wrote in a previous post that I found the book irritating. The reason won’t surprise you. If everyone were that pilgrim, then where would be the rich men able to provide the food and shelter he needs, as he makes his way wherever he is going. Literally his can’t be the only way. But that’s a very obvious reaction. I imagine many readers will have had it too.

I understood your lesson about being “dead” to the world. But the pilgrim seemed to be demanding so much more. That one make prayer the only thing in one’s life. I’m not sure if I even like the idea of prayer. It seems so inward focussed and, the way he writes about it, almost like an addiction. I equate it with the modern preference for meditation. A shutting out of the world, when I think belief is all about how we accept and cope with the horrendous challenges and imperfections of that world., which we are lucky enough to have been given a brief chance to inhabit. We need to face into it, not away from it.

The key experience in my “pilgrimage” so far was a weekend on a course run by your friend Martin Shaw, during which he told the tale of Dairmud and Grainne. It’s the tale of a love triangle that goes on for the whole adult lives of the characters, starting with the woman, Grainne, rejecting and humiliating the older suitor (Finn) in favour of a younger man,(Dairmud) who was like a son to Finn. In the middle of this story is an incident of random, completely pointless cruelty, where Grainne (otherwise the heroine of the story) deliberately flaunts her physical relationship with Dairmud in front of Finn. Mayhem results. Dairmud dies. At the end of long lives riven with conflict, jealousy, egotism and violence - Finn and Grainne finally finish up together in old age, forgiving and forgetting everything that has been done by both of them. Had Grainne made a different choice, this peaceful and happy life with Finn is the existence she could have enjoyed all along. But life being what it is, she was never going to make that different choice.

The lesson I took from this was profound. And fairly obvious. Life is imperfect-able. There is not and never will be a utopia, because human nature is what it is. The world isn’t divided into good people and bad people. Even the best people do stupid, hurtful, terrible things. The only thing each individual can do is learn to survive them. By being, as you said, “dead” to the world. One cannot live a good life, unless one is able to rise above setbacks and cruelties and disappointments. But we can’t. So all we can ever do is keep trying.

Coming back to my own spiritual journey. I guess what I recognise about Christianity is the liturgy that begins with a recognition of ones own sins and shortcomings. I like saying the same things every week or every time we are in church, because those things will always be true. We will have “sinned” “through weakness, through negligence, through our own deliberate fault”, as others will have sinned against us. And we will have to pray for forgiveness of “our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us.” We just have to pick ourselves up, be truly sorry and start all over again. That process will never end.

The other thing - the real motivation for my journey and the point of this reaction to the book - is the only two commandments Christ ever gave us. Matthew 22: 37-39 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbour as yourself.'

What I take from that is that we need to accept life as it is with all its flaws and imperfections and disappointments and hurts and suffering, because I kind of equate God with life. And that we must feel love towards our fellow humans no matter what. We are commanded something impossible, but we are also commanded to keep trying, no matter what.

To me Christianity is outward not inward oriented. How do you manage to keep loving what is out there? I don’t see where prayer of the kind the pilgrim describes helps that, since it seems like a turning away from that imperfect world, which is also turning away from God. I would love to hear what you think about that.

Finally I must stress, I don’t mean any of this as a criticism of you or what you have written. On the contrary, I often sit in church thinking that I am there for the people who sat in those pews before me, not for the church as it is today, which seems full of utter nonsense. If it were not for this group and your writing (and that of a small band of people like Martin S) I would be making no progress at all with my faith. I take a huge amount of comfort and direction from your work and I thank you profoundly for that.

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